Tuesday, September 3, 2013

(Un-) Comfortable

A few weeks ago, I went to Whole Foods after a run and did something I swore off a while ago: I bought Justin's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter.  It is crack, so I try not to buy it, because I eat it by the spoonful and can finish the 16 oz container in just a few nights.  But this time, I noticed something was different; the container was round, and not the usual square that I've grown so fond of.  I figured, okay, new container- no biggie.  However, when I got home and opened the container for an after-dinner treat, I discovered the texture was totally different as well.

The square container I'd grown so fond of. Source

I'm torn on this change.  The chocolate hazelnut butter tastes about the same, but it's missing the lovely grainy texture that it used to have.  Now it's like Nutella.  I know that's not a bad thing, but I feel huge guilt for spooning Nutella down my throat every night.  I'm sure I was kidding myself before, but the grainy-ness of Justin's original butter made it feel like it was actually made from nuts(!) and might not be so bad for me.  And now, well, it's just not as good.

This may be a good thing.  Like I said, Justin's older version was crack.  And crack/eating-entire-containers-of-chocolate-hazelnut-butter is not good for you.  But I found myself laying in bed, really missing the old version.  So I wrote this song to address those feelings.  Actually, John Mayer wrote most of it, but I made some changes...

(I recommend opening this link in a new tab, pressing play, and then singing the lyrics below, out loud, to really understand the true depth of my feelings)

by Lindsey (and John Mayer)

I just remembered, that time at the market
snuck up in front of me and jumped in my shopping cart
And rode home, in my bag
you looked from the counter to smile back at me
With spoon in my hand, I went in to eat
I realized, I couldn't leave.

Can't remember, how many jars since September
Though I'm sure my hips'd remind me, if they had to

Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in

I eat this new butter i'm still getting used to
my thighs both approve, say it's gonna be good for you
they fit in, my jeans now

It says the ingredients are all still the same
and smooth so it goes on your toast, no pain
your texture was, so grainy

Life of the pantry
but it's still in my cabinetry
'cuz in the original you'd distinguish
Nuts from the sugar...

Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in
New one's perfect, so flawless
or so they say, say

I'm sure the new one sees the smile that I'm fakin'
and notices the nibbles that aren't being taken
I loved you
in sweat pants, on the couch sprawled, so perfect

Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in
the new butter's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back....


Saying goodbye is hard, even when you know it's the right decision.  But knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less...

P.S.  When I was teaching, I used to write nerdy math songs on a regular basis, and I really enjoyed it.  This is what happens when there is no outlet in which to use such a *special* talent.  Perhaps, I should go into song-writing?


  1. Nena... or should I have said anonymous?September 4, 2013 at 8:45 PM

    I am half ecstatic that you referenced and re-wrote one of my (embarrassingly) favorite songs and half sad because now every time I hear that song I will think of you eating hazelnut butter by the spoonful rather than swooning over John Mayer.

  2. I just sang it to my roommates...They want to meet you.